Football Africa

We’re pitchside with Geoff Shreeves in Gonder...........

Ethiopia. Amazing country. At times it couldn’t seem further away from those images we saw in ’85 or in the bits we kind of want to fast forward during Comic Relief whilst we wait for the comedy and/or Lenny Henry.

We had come to Gonder to meet ‘Link Ethiopia’, a charity that does great work in helping Ethiopian Schools by linking them with UK based schools. Charlottes school is considering such a link and I would urge you to get schools you know to think about it too. For £350 a year, the schools will gain a mutually beneficial link and the UK schools will be able to help support an Ethiopian school in dire need. Bob Geldof bit over.

Whilst in Gonder we met a young man called ‘Million’. He was a truly great chap, who helped us with a multitude of things, not least getting us our second competitive game of football. 11-a-side. At 2500 metres. Against Gonder University. The current champions. Unbeaten in 23 games.

Yep, my arse went a bit too.

We lined up requiring some players, who Million was able to cajole into playing with us. I think they were other students. Frankly, I haven’t a clue. My Aramaic only rivalled their English.

So, we could not communicate with these players. We didn’t know ‘pass’ or ‘shoot’ , we didn’t know names and we couldn’t say numbers. The team talk was going to be a doddle. Especially as we decided on 3-5-2 formation. You may query the decision to use a less obvious formation but there was a massive reluctance for anyone to play at the back. This was to become a feature of the performance.

 

I have to say that the next bit was particularly Ace. The ground had a tunnel. Which we got to run out of. I closed my eyes and for a second it was Old Trafford, or Wembley, as we ran through it there was better news for the goosebumps. The grandstand was full. About 700 odd students were there and we were treated to a rousing reception. I was Glenn Hoddle, I was Bryan Robson, I was Roy Keane. Sadly for FA XI this was very much in my head. My body, as ever, failed to fall into line.

 

We started with vim and vigour. We had recruited a French goalie ‘David’ and he seemed solid enough. Fans of FootballAfrica will remember Welshman Neil who stayed in the starting lineup. I filled in on the left side of the back 3. Ed remained in midfield, and Andy led the line, up front with a player the local lads called ‘Shearer’.  More on that lesson in irony later.

We conceded first but thankfully not early. A darting little near post run and a scuffed fiish past our keeper. I saw the boy go, but he’s 20, I’m 31. The idea that there was even a contest belittles ‘contests’. But we rallied. We got our defence into shape and whilst we never got going as a team, we were treading water, and eventually creating chances. A few corners, a header well saved, then a crafted cross shot from the right with the left foot from our number 10. 1-1. Keeper no chance. We would hold this lead until half time. Speaking was hard. No breath at altitude and it as bloody hot too.

We wanted to sub ‘Shearer’ off but it was made clear to us that that wasn’t going to happen. Awkward. We went into the second half unchanged. Only minutes in ‘Shearer’ turned, his second touch as ever was a header, then as the ball bounced awkwardly, and from about 35 yards out on the angle, he felt a shot was appropriate. This skewed some 30 foot into the air.

As I watched this ridiculous piece of decision making, open mouthed, I noticed Andy shuffling around by the goalie. Was the ball going to drop in play?! 2-1 to FootballAfrica! A good striker always follows up and Andy put away a tricky volley.

Now I’d love to end the story right there. Victory against the top University team in the country, a home crowd respectfully risen to it’s feet, a slow handclap that turns to tumultuous applause and the approval of the Ethiopian president. Basically the end of Rocky 4. Sadly this wasn’t the case.

The university team, a little/lot wounded fought back. Subs were made. A few of our lads decided that, basically, defending simply wasn’t for them and the Gonder team struck back. We held 2-2 for a while and then succumbed. Myself and Neil, with poor David, found ourselves very much alone at times as 6 or 7 of the Gonder team steamed forward.

They rolled out 5-2 victors in the end, but we are rightly proud of our efforts. We led one of the best young teams in Ethiopia and though tiredness and talent eventually told, we earned our sleep that night. Everyone shook hands and the atmosphere was amazing. Also a massive thanks to our sponsors at Bicester Roofing Co Ltd. Suffice to say our use of the old Bicester town kit was brilliantly baffling to the Ethiopian students.

 

Line up: David 7 Neil 7 Johnson 6 Barnard 6 Howie 7 Others 3-8 ( No 10 was SUNSTARMAN)

God Bless you all, The right honourable JJx

 

 

 

 

Linking Cranford to Ethiopia

Hi, Charlotte here. I must admit I wasn’t quiet sure what to expect when I said I was going to try to set up a link with my school in Hounslow, SW London to a school in Africa. The images I conjured in my head were nothing of what I saw and although on the outside you see a designated area, a school sign and a structure of a school site when delving into the reality of an Ethiopians child experience of school is quiet another story.

 

A Cranford student would (in their eyes) be rudely awoken by an alarm clock or parent, get dressed probably leaving the house without breakfast (because they chose to) getting on a bus and getting into school with a whinge about the early start to the day. Five lessons with break and lunch then meander home to snacks, telly and homework. I know I‘ve probably over analysed this but in all it’s a good education with the latest technology in every classroom and chance to succeed in many areas.

On the other hand an Ethiopian pupil goes to school in either the morning (8-12) or afternoon (12.30-4) because there are not enough schools, space or teachers to teach all of the pupils in a school day. Either side of the school day, regardless of going to school in the morning or afternoon, the pupils help with household and farming duties. The classes are crammed with 3 pupils to a desk a teacher and a chalk board. The classes are immaculately silent and the pupils have to share resources to complete their work.

 

Prospects after school differ hugely too! Around 85% of students at Cranford both male and female complete their GCSE’s and A levels with enough points to go to university. In Ethiopia, out of the 3888 students who go through the school life, only 230 will take the equivalent of GCSE, A levels and continue to University. It will also be a higher percentage of males than females that complete these exams.

Suffice to say that things are “tougher” for those pupils who study in Ethiopia but it doesn’t mean that the system doesn’t work and that there aren’t many success stories. It’s brilliant that organisations like Link  Ethiopia exist and can create these learning curves, financial aid and link between different people in differing continents.

,

	Cranford Community College (guestimate)	Ghion Community and Preparatory School (audit)
No of Students	1400	3888
No of Teachers	150	45 per ½ day
No of classrooms	120	38
No of Computers	300	28
Internet	Broadband	None
No of taps	100	6 taps/3 working
No of toilets	Separate male, female and teachers totalling around 50 toilets	NO WATER 1 male house = 6 holes 1 female hole = 6 holes 1 teachers = 4 holes
No of students in a class	Average 28	70
Government funding per pupil	£20	10 birr (15 birr = £1)

Charlotte's web........log

Where to start on this already epic journey??? Europe was cold, expensive and monotonous. I developed a liking to “granny napping” (you know the type, when your Nan nods off in exactly the same position that she was sitting in and then feigns that she was just “resting her eyes”. By the way sunglasses are a brilliant aid in this master case of foolery!) and a fear of going to the toilet (or passing wind!) amongst the lads (and we all know if the latter doesn’t happen then you explode to your death!). I “decided” to pick up an injury to my right knee after a night sleeping in the back of the car on top of the equipment (Switzerland being uber expensive to our budget) and spent the day locked in the back of Lady Jane with my leg stretched out, worried that my journey had ended without even touching African soil!

 

Twenty-four hours later, overly priced food, a smaller hobble and a deserved shower, Football Africa had made it! Tunisia and Libya was, for the better word, boring, thus leading me to being a Jedi of my developed “granny napping” technique, the ability to sleep upright without aid or the annoyance that my head will do the “bob” that inevitably wakes the nodder up. General annoyances here were men who just stare and our Libyan guide, who didn’t speak a word of English, didn’t have a clue about direction and took advantage of a hospitable friend of Howie’s by using the washing machine without asking and then proceeding to hang his clothes over our cars-Useless!

 

We all know the story about Ed eating an “unknown” source HALF eaten burger and chips… well he finally finished the meal, 6 months later in Egypt, with my half eaten ice cream, again in front of witnesses with no remorse! Note for self survival, never leave food unattended if in a mile radius of Edward! Egypt also bought us the Sphinx Guest House and the most amazing view of the Sphinx and Pyramids and an eager Charlotte to watching the sound and light show on the first night in three different languages to finally hear it in English only to find that if she had waited a night the first language was ENGLISH! Duh! Before leaving Egypt I had had my first shakra, my third eye cleansed, an introduction to orbs and the “New World” and had JJ shake on 100 camels for my hand in marriage to a large Arab man-euuww!

 

Sudan was hot, long, hot, bumpy, sweaty, long, hot, over heating, no water, hot, hot, sweaty, hot drive to Khartoum, where paradise waited in the form of Ed’s friends dad, Karam! Food, water, AIR CON and television were all gratefully and humbly received and ravished. To be fair, with all that I had read about Sudan, I was slightly terrified about the prospect of having to spend time there but I found the Sudanese people polite and giving in their nature. A warming visit to a Sudanese home and the offer of dates and Nile water led to good relations and bowel movement in all!

 

One final night in the desert, the easiest crossing so far, (no payments AT ALL!?!) a short drive to Gonda and it was “welcome” Football Africa to Ethiopia! It may have been nights of cockroach infested walls (me sleeping one night with the light on-till Andy had enough, and the rest with the comfort that if I shone my torch on them they would frazzle and melt out of existence. By the way that does not work!) but I really enjoyed it! The staff and associates from Link Ethiopia (company that links schools from Europe to Ethiopia to aid the education of pupils in both) were amazing and helpful into all our needs and questions. We even had our own “tracker” called Million (mum named him after he had 1/10000 chance of survival at birth) who was definitely the man on the street to know!

 

We are currently in Wim’s Holland House, Addas Abiba. A gorgeous little oasis in what seems like a cruel place after hearing a couple both in their late 50’s early 60’s tell us that they had had attempted mugging by five locals in the middle of a busy street! For Football Africa we are meeting with a link for Tackle Africa and  hopefully have a football game lined up for us in tomorrow just in time for us to get our stuff together and move on to Kenya!

 

 

 

Driving

I owe Africa an apology. To date I have kicked a cripple, rear-ended a truck, forced an oncoming taxi off the road and unceremoniously put a barefooted Egyptian footballer on his head. 

No intent or malice in these actions. I am merely a ham-fisted boob.  Fortunately for Mama Africa there are less prone participants ensuring this project’s progress.  Football Africa has managed to travel over 7000 miles from Twickenham to Ethiopia just under 4 weeks, negotiating 10 countries in en route.

To put this in context it’s the equivalent of us driving from Manchester to London everyday for a month, which in itself might not sound overly impressive. However, driving conditions here don’t exactly conform to BMSA standards.  Progress is slow and journeys are long.  On a driving day we typically put in a good 8 or 9 hr shift.

Your average speed is 45mph. For the most part you sit battered in dust and deep frying in temperatures pushing 40 degrees (we hit 50+ in the Nubian Desert , Sudan).  With a stream of kamikaze drivers, or ‘bumper ticks’, pulsing past either side of you in a desperate race to meet Allah, your concentration is constantly jacked. 

In general however the ‘Isphalti roads’ are alright although the pot holes would certainly fill the Albert Hall. For some long sections, as in Northern Sudan and parts of Ethiopia tarmac vanishes. It is then you encounter clumsy approximations, childish impressions of roads hewn from unwilling rock reluctant to submit to industrial diggers or traveller’s convenience.  Just as reluctant are our shock absorbers to acquiesce to the indignant cobble protrusions and rolling corrugations which make’s driving these stretches a shuddering war of attrition.

Ha, I am getting carried away. Basically it’s hot, dusty and at times the roads are for shit. We are almost through the worst of it, soon to hit asphalt that takes us all the way to Cape Town. We still face Moyale to Marsa Bit though, a notoriously bad stretch etched deep into the faces of northbound overlanders when they refer to the ‘Kenya bit’.  

 

 

Inshallah we will overcome.                

Ed

 

It's over to Martin Tyler and Andy Gray in Aswan........

After what’s basically been weeks of solid driving and practicing our keepy-ups (well over 10 now, but whatever) we finally secured ourselves game of football. Our first official match, and ahead of schedule. Challenged by the locals of Aswan (It’s in Egypt, slowcoaches) we began preparations for a game of six-a-side.

As anyone who’s played foreign opposition will be aware, preparation is the key. Ask Fergie, Rafa,  & Wenger. We thought about diet, or certainly Ed muttered something about ‘slow release carbs’ while we munched down on a small bowl of Koshary (macaroni, rice, lentils, tomato,chilli – it’s like an Egyptian McDonalds except good!)

The mind games had already started with our adversaries predicting victory, 4-0. One of their players, a young man who supported both Manchester United and Chelsea talked up the clean sheet. They were cocksure, and why not? They knew the surface, they were acclimatised, and played together often. We kept our counsel.

We’d drafted in Welsh International Neil Evans, ‘Welsh International’ by virtue of the fact he was from Wales, a fellow traveller on the road to Cape Town. Also in addition to our four we had 3 local lads to make up the numbers/guest internationals. So this was it. The stage was set. Superfit locals, born and raised in the heat of Egypt, a team forged together in the streets of Aswan , and ready to fight in a manner to make their town rightfully proud.

 

We were 4-0 up pretty quickly.  Generally people are unprepared for how good Andy is at scoring goals and the Aswan VI were no different. Couple that with Barnards tremendous engine & ‘pass and move’ philosophy and the rather good news that Welshman Neil was pretty tasty (two footed, so rare in the modern game) and it meant all I had to do was loiter around at the back blocking the odd shot and dealing with the odd header. All done in a manner befitting a defender whose style and, sadly, physique are modelled on Neil Ruddock (towards the end of his career).

We eventually strolled out 9-4 victors. Our guest goalie had a solid game but may want to look at himself on one or two of the goals that would have seen an even more comprehensive scoreline but we had no real complaints. Howie boshed in 7 goals, Ed & Neil picked up the other two, and I remain fully confident that a dubious goals panel won’t credit me with an own goal. It was clearly going in anyway, and glanced my head...and the keeper should’ve done better, but, whatever, it doesn’t bother me.

After the game friendships were resumed, and we all shared a bag of delicious sugar cane drink before bantering the evening away. The ‘Football Africa Select’ content with its first competitive start on foreign soil.

FootballAfrica Lineup: Mohammed 6, Johnson 6, Barnard 7, Evans 7, Howie 9 SUN STAR MAN

JJ FootballAfrica, reporting from Aswan. Love to all our friends and family.

Dinner with the UN, lunch with the Ambassador.....

Sudan. Sudan is hot. Sudan is uncompromising, unforgiving and in the first four days of pounding heat, it was pretty tough. It was hotter then Natalie Portman covered in Chilli’s and cooking in the oven (?). Yep, pretty hot. Whilst driving, I poured the remains of a bottle of water down my back to cool down, I am confident that what came out was nearly as hot as the sun. I had seen enough dead, dying, and ‘waiting to die’ camels, donkeys and cows to give the RSPCA a collective heart attack. Side note here – if you are a big fan of Animal Welfare, then the African continent is really not for you. If however  you aren’t, come over and grab a donkey.

Anywaaay, we finally arrived in the capital ‘Khartoum’. It was here that things started to improve.  Upon arriving at our campsite we suddenly started to get what I believe the youngsters call ‘The hook-up’. A UN worker called Pete appeared from his car, and seeing our weary state, appeared with 5 cans of Heineken.

Now, bear this in mind, Sudan is a dry country, no booze, no how. We’d been driving for four days pretty much solid...Crikey, that beer could not have gone down quicker if it tried. I’m not sure even now, whether I drank that ice cold lager, or it simply evaporated on hitting my tongue. Pete? If you ever should stumble across this blog, you Sir are a legend.

Anyway, we also stumbled across another UN worker. A young man by the name of Anders, a Scandinavian fellow who looked a little bit like the lead singer of Kings of Leon, he also took pity on us and invited us round for dinner the following day. Then Ian, of the British Embassy, gave us his contact details and said he’d have a look over our Land Rovers us he had one of his own and it was something of a hobby. Follow all this with the news that for the following two days we could stay in the home ( A HOUSE!, WITH BEDS!!, WITH BEDS!!) of Ed’s friends Dad (how’s that for tenuous?).

Well Nadir (Ed’s Friends Dad) was an amazing chap. Totally generous with his time and his home, he took us to brunch, we stayed and watched football in his air conditioned house all day, and then in the evening we were heading to Anders’ gaff to have dinner.

Which was amazing. Lamb Shanks, Gammon baked in some kind of chutney, Wine, Beer, Great mashed potato, it had it all. Also, I discovered that UN workers are these kind of impossibly cool, good looking Eurotypes, it seemed a little like I’d stepped into a BBC drama about UN peacekeepers. I mused on what I’d call this hard hitting and provocative drama as I munched on more delicious gammon.

Next day, and it was onto the British Ambassadors house. He looked over our two Land Rovers and changed our Filters etc and then his delightful wife also fed us lunch and we munched away whilst watching ‘The Devil Wears Prada’. Still slightly baffled by the ending...not that I’ve now seen it twice. Also we couldn’t take any photos’ as he preferred us not to due to his days in the Army. Which is just cool.

Ethiopia is next, and a further drive through the Sudan desert first. My loins are girded, my fingers are crossed, my prayers prayed (can’t hurt), and my memories of Khartoum will be fond.

I will call my BBC drama ‘Darfur Nights’, no wait ‘PeaceKeepers’, no ‘The United Nations’. Oh, I don’t know.

Love to all, except obviously those of you that don’t like or love me. Which I can’t understand because I’m a delight.

JJ FootballAfrica

Andy so far

Hello, Andy here. As you can imagine a lot has happened so far that it is hard to fit it all in – The driving has been extremely tiring but we’ve seen some amazing things and met some great people. The football project got under way in Ethiopia with a proper game organised with the University of Gondar. We also gave footballs away to a local HIV project run for young people and also to a local school. We filmed some of the work Link Ethiopia is doing in the area and potentially have linked up a school in Bahar Dar with one in London.

We've now met up with the CRDA  in Addis Ababa who represent over 300 NGO's in Ethiopia. They really want to start some Tackle Africa projects all over the country and they've also arranged an 11 a side football match for us tomorrow morning. Then it’s off to Kenya to film the work Tackle Africa is doing there and also visit some projects of The Mango Tree.  We will also be trying to play football with as many locals as possible and handing out more footballs to the community projects.

Anyway here are a few hints, tips and pieces of advice for anyone who’s interested in the route so far:

Europe

French roads are le boring. Really le boring.

Don’t sleep in French laybys. Far too le uncomfortable. Far too le cold.

European petrol is too expensive.

Geneva has nice mountains. Geneva is cold. Geneva is uber expensive.

Driving around and through the Alps is really cool.

Vin Diesel lookalikes can be found at any moment at any time.

A Phillapeano barman on the ferry from Genoa to Tunis can speak in a perfect Yorkshire accent.

JJ and Ed can speak Romanian.

Don’t buy a cabin on the ferry from Genoa to Tunis. Get JJ and Ed to convince a Romanian truck driver to borrow their shower. You will find this to be a much cheaper option.

Charlotte can’t burp

Charlotte burps a lot

 

 

 

Tunisia

Passport control is for wussies. Just drive straight through.

Don’t drive straight through passport control. It is necessary.

Fixing tyres is uber cheap.

Don’t drive all the way from London with a screw lodged in a tyre.

Don’t bother doing vehicle checks. Random Tunisian men can take over and do it for you.

Do a favour for Charlotte and she’ll give you a pair of her trainers.

Don’t let a bus nearly drive in to the side of your car.

Ed and JJ turn a white colour if they nearly crash a car.

Tunisian border police like playing football with foreigners.

Tunisian border police like accepting footballs as ‘sweeteners’ to get ‘processes done with more haste’.

At least one Tunisian child smiles a lot when given football as a present.

Libya

Libyan paperwork is for wussies. Don’t bother with it.

Don’t  go anywhere in Libya without the right paperwork. It is necessary.

Don’t drive through Libya with a ‘tourist policeman’ who doesn’t speak a single word of English. Not one. Not even ‘Hello’. Truly remarkable.

Drive around Tripoli. It gives you a buzz.

Petrol is uber uber cheap.

Don’t bother with spine tingling budget option hotels in Tripoli. Sleep in someone’s office.

Endless desert roads are mind numbingly dull.

Discover the map scale on your Lonely planet guide is clearly made up.

Use any contact on your phone that can offer you a place to stay for the night if you have one in Libya.

Decide whether your ‘tourist policeman’ has any genuine credentials to the post.

Decide he clearly does not.

Watch in horror as your ‘tourist policeman’ guides JJ and Ed in to endless potential catastrophes.

Get angry when he does it you.

Shout at your ‘tourist policeman’ in English.

Listen as your ‘tourist policeman’ shouts back in Arabic.

Let JJ film this process.

Get Ed to refer to the police as the ‘filth’ on film. It will make you laugh.

Get Ed to talk to Charlotte about ‘psychological profiling’ and then watch as he crashes in to the back of car.

Libyan policeman don’t really care about crashes.

Libyan policeman like offering Steven Gerrard lighters to JJ.

Don’t drive 900km in one day. You dream about endless desert roads.

If you can, avoid the border town of Amsaad. ‘Horrific’ doesn’t do it justice.

Make sure Libyan authorities stamp your passport when entering the country. It will save you hours at the border.

Libyan border officials like playing football. Especially the chief called ‘Idris’.

Be amazed that ‘Idris’ insists on driving with you sitting on his lap to the Egyptian border.

 

 

Egypt

Don’t bother listening to ‘fixers’ at the border. They get irritating.

Drive out of the border and don’t worry about the needless paperwork. Paperwork is for wussies.

They won’t let you in to Egypt without the ‘right’ paperwork. It is necessary.

Don’t leave fridge in car on at the border. It makes your getaway nigh on impossible without jump leads.

Witness one of the worst toilets situated in the world. At the border control. Truly disturbing.

Drive around Alexandria. It gives you a buzz.

Pick up local women if you get lost. They get you there much quicker.

Stay at the Sphinx guest house opposite the Pyramids in Giza. It’s uber cheap. You get uber good view.

 

JJ and Ed will say ‘ace’ a lot whilst watching the sound and light show. You will agree with them.

Continue to be amazed by JJ’s knowledge of all things film, TV and music.

Eat Koshary. Uber cheap. Uber tasty. Uber filling.

Let Ed sort out taxi fares with the drivers. He gets’ good price’.

Don’t bother with Sudanese Visas in England. It takes too long. Do it in Cairo. It takes 24 hours.

Don’t bother with the British Embassy in Cairo. It provides very disappointing customer service.

Don’t take a train back to Giza. It goes nowhere near the pyramids.

Listen to endless promises about ‘best price’.

Be assured that it is never ‘best price’.

Watch Charlotte find her ‘3^rd eye’ and have her shakra washed away.

Agree with JJ and Ed that her shakra was ‘molested’.

Don’t drive to Suez. It really isn’t worthwhile. In anyway whatsoever.

Don’t go to Hurghada. It’s for Russian chavs.

Drive along the Nile while the sun sets.

Don’t bother with waiting for convoy to drive to Aswan. They don’t bother anymore.

Look on in horror as you nearly cause massive traffic accident while trying to be clever with a football.

Look on in even more horror as Ed smashes the same football ‘accidentally’ at a local disabled man.

Think long and hard about 100 camels for Charlotte.

Make it clear that the man must bring the camels first and then he gets the lady.

Play a football match against some very confident locals.

Destroy the locals 9-4.

Get Charlotte to try and film the match and then miss all 7 of the goals you score.

Get a match rating of 9 out of 10 from JJ.

Wonder what more you have to do to get 10 out of 10 from him.

Find out that you have to ‘track back more’ for that to happen.

Meet up with a Welsh couple who will agree to travel through Sudan with you.

Be relieved that the Welsh couple are a bloody good laugh and not some boring sods.

Drive your cars on to a small barge and be told they will arrive 24 hours after you arrive in Sudan.

Feel very nervous about this.

Decide against the 2^nd class option on the ferry which will provide an array of disturbing smells. Give the chief engineer a football and get a small space on the top deck for you to lie down in instead.

Play a random music quiz with JJ that will keep you occupied for a surprisingly long time.

Let random Sudanese people stare at the group of you for the entire journey.

Don’t bother about getting cold on the ferry – Ed will give you his sleeping bag to keep you warm.

Wake up on the ferry having arrived in Sudan and be genuinely scared about the heat.

 

SUDAN

Don’t bother doing any of the paperwork for Sudan. A man called ‘Magdi’ will meet you on the boat and sort everything for you.

Don’t bother about finding a place to stay. You can stay at Magdi’s house.

Be amazed at the friendliness of the Sudanese people.

Continue to be genuinely scared about the heat.

Be astounded that your vehicles made it to Sudan.

If you can, avoid driving from Wadi Haifa to Dongola. Having no road makes it really difficult.

Seriously, the heat is unbelievable.

Go to the Blue Nile Sailing Club in Khartoum on arrival.

Get a man called Peter to give you a cold beer from the back of his car. It’s the best beer you will ever taste.

Stay at Ed’s mate from school dad’s house. It’s really nice and he is a really nice man.

Get invited to a dinner by some UN peacekeepers.

Be scared to go to the toilet at the UN peacekeepers as it’s very close to the dinner table.

Decide you really have to go.

Break the flush and pray they don’t notice before you leave.

Don’t bother taking vehicles in to garage for vital checks. Get British Ambassador to invite you to his house and then let him do it for you. Apparently it’s very relaxing.

It really is hot in Sudan. Seriously. Really hot.

You need a lot of water. A LOT. If you don’t you will ask a policeman for some of his.

Sleep underneath the stars on top of your vehicle. It’s worth it.

ETHIOPIA

Ethiopian border officials are unbelievably relaxed.

The road from Mabarat to Gondar is certainly picturesque but goodness me it’s really bad. And really tiring.

You will hear ‘you, you, you’ from kids a lot.

Don’t worry if you think your contact in Ethiopia doesn’t know you are there. He will have tracked you from the border.

Be amazed by the Ethiopian countryside.  It really is beautiful.

Find out about Link Ethiopia and visit some of their schools. It is definitely worthwhile.

Meet a guy called ‘Million’. He knows everyone, everywhere and gets things done.

Play a game of football against the Ethiopian University champions in their own stadium in front of an eager crowd. It will definitely give you a buzz.

 

Have one shot. Get it on target. Score a goal. Take that stats man.

Lose 5-2 but be happy with the performance in incredible heat.

Start your own African chant on the back of a pickup with 20 Ethiopians.

Be relieved that they sing along as though it makes perfect sense.

Go to a genuine coffee ceremony in an Ethiopian home. It’s bloomin strong but it tastes and smells great.

Avoid the dog angrily munching on a lamb’s skull at the gate though.

Ethiopian kids can appear at any moment at any time.

They will still be there when you get out of the tent too.

They sure can sing a good chant though.

Stay at Wim’s Pizzeria in Addis Ababa. Classic dutch chilled out vibe.

Try not to get too annoyed with his dogs marking their territory all over your tents.

Especially the puppy as he’s so darn cute.

Meet up with CRDA for Tackle Africa. Lulu and Fasil are the men you want to meet if you want to play football and use it to raise awareness of HIV in Ethiopia.

Get Charlotte to stitch the hat you ‘borrowed’ from Ed in to one resembling a cowboys. A ‘homeless’ cowboy.