Hints and Tips for Kenya

Hi Everyone

Here are some handy hints for anyone heading to Kenya in a car...

Don’t even think about driving in Northern Kenya. It will make you very angry at the Kenyan Government.

Go and meet Fatuma Abdikadir in Marsabit who is the head of HODI. You will be astounded by the work she is doing there.

 Be amazed that your car is still going forward after losing shock absorbers, coil suspension and battery on the road from Marsabit to Isiolo.

Get JJ to stop every 20 minutes to charge your car battery with the car he’s driving.

Drive without any lights in the dark as the road has wiped out the power.

Don’t drive without any lights as you will find it to be very stressful.

Swear that you will not be held responsible for what happens to any government official if you meet them that night.

Get to your destination and get bitten to high hell by sand flies. You will feel amazing at this point.

Hug the tarmac road when you find it. You never thought tarmac was so important.

Stay at Jungle Junction in Nairobi. They have a fridge of beer that you can help yourself from. Oh good lord it tastes good after the hell you’ve encountered.

Discover that Nairobi is one big traffic jam.

Seriously everywhere you go. TRAFFIC.

Visit the Maasai people. They’re a real friendly bunch.

Kenyan kids are cheeky. But god love em’ they’re bloody cute too.

Impress the locals with your flamboyant use of the local lingo.

Be bemused when you discover they don’t understand what you’re saying.

Play football with the local Maasai young people. They don’t know how to defend.

Lob a 5ft goalkeeper but still celebrate a wonderfully well taken goal.

Let mechanics in the middle of nowhere fix the suspension on the car for 20 quid.

Don’t bother trying to find a hostel in the middle of nowhere. Go and stay at the biggest house in Kenya owned by a British guy called Richard Muir.

His garden is bigger than my local park. His outside toilet is very disturbing however. Especially in the dark.

Get Ed to order half a cow for £6 to eat for dinner in a truck stop.

Experience the absurdity of watching the Westlife DVD being shown on the TV. Watch the locals sing a long. You will find JJ will want to film all this and that Charlotte will happily sing a long as well.

Ed will not.

Anthony, our local guide to the area, will know all the words. He won’t be ashamed of singing every one of them either.

You will also find that Ed doesn’t appreciate having the Westlife songs sung to him.

Eat fish in Kisumu. Goodness me it tastes good.

Go and visit the Mango Tree charity. Truly amazing stuff.

Be serenaded by the volunteers. It will give you a warm fuzzy feeling.

Play football with a ‘lake’ in the middle of the pitch.

Make sure you never go near the ‘lake’ throughout the duration of the match.

Watch on in amusement as a variety of players enter the lake only to slip over every single time.

Visit the St Francis Youth Project in Kisumu. More amazing stuff happening there.

Play football with the young people with 2 trees situated next to the corner flag on the pitch.

Also appreciate the sandpit near the byline.

And who can forget the small stream running through one of the penalty areas.

Stay with Fatuma and her brothers in Nairobi. They are all ridiculously friendly and generous.

Stay away from the Manchester United v Arsenal match to see the Premier League being won.

 

Cheers

Andy

Comments

[Manchester United]

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